Toilet Trouble 5
by AquilaTempestas
Summary: Kai is given a reminder of why public toilets repulse him. Strong crude humour.


**Disclaimer**

The rights to Beyblade belong to Takao Aoki.

**Title**

Toilet Trouble 5

**Summary**

Kai is given a reminder of why public toilets repulse him.

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Kai often felt sorry for toilets. They couldn't do anything to save themselves from the rolls of flesh that entered the cubicle. It was like torture against toilets. Gross and smelly bodies planting themselves on a seat only to make a crap so big it plugged the hole. Then poor people like Barthaz, had to clean them up.

But that wasn't the point.

This wasn't a tale about janitors.

This was a story about toilets and the horrors that happened in public toilets.

Kai was currently at the McDonalds store in the city with his friends, Johnny, Mystel and Mariah. Well, they weren't best of friends or anything, but Kai's teammates were all sick with the flu. Being the smart one he is, Kai ran away from home. He did not plan to return until they were feeling better.

"So, anyway, I heard that Boris and Judy are getting married," Mariah said, flicking a bang of pink hair back.

Johnny stuck a finger down his throat and pretended to gag. "That's gross, almost as foul as a toilet!"

Mariah glared. "I'm eating, Johnny. Please don't bring up that sort of garbage when a girl is eating her lunch," she said, glancing down at her big mac burger. Looking at the burger while talking about crap didn't turn Kai off; it made him even more tempted to buy one himself. So that's what he did.

"I am going to buy a Happy Meal," he said.

Mystel raised a brow. "A Happy Meal? Kai, how old are you?"

"Twenty," Kai replied, frowning. "I'm not that hungry anyway, so I just want something small."

"Alrighty then."

Kai stood up from the table and left his friends behind, letting them talk about random stuff. It was an odd crew of people that's for sure. Johnny was a rich guy dressed up as a hobo. Perhaps that look was intentional? Mystel was genetically blessed, but lacking in everything else. And Mariah was a well endowed girl with an equally large heart. What a bunch of misfits, thought Kai.

He lined up at the queue when he felt that sudden urge he had to pee. "Everytime I am doing something important, I have to pee!" Kai spoke to himself, frustrated. He abandoned the queue and rushed to the toilets as fast as his legs would carry him. But, like at McDonalds, there was a queue. A tall male with long grey hair and massive biceps walked out of the toilets looking like he had just walked into a pig pen. It was Garland! "Oh my God, you do not want to go in there. Do yourself a favour and run the other way."

Kai had to smirk at this. "That bad, huh?"

Garland frowned. "I wasn't talking about myself. Some old dude clogged up the loo, now he's panicking and trying to invade other toilets. I think it was Stanley? He had a giant moustache." He walked past shuddering.

Clogged toilets were a pain, Kai knew from personal experience. But he was now experienced when it came to toilet troubles thanks to Bryan's lessons. But did he want to venture into hell? He considered leaving it, but he _really _needed to pee. Wetting his pants in public wasn't going to happen. Old people really needed toilets for themselves just in case crap like this happened, Kai thought. "Uh, thanks for the information, Garland."

Garland waved then ran away. Kai suspected he was going to throw up in the gardens outside. But that wasn't his problem. Kai drew closer and closer to the entrance door feeling a wave of fear wash over him. Every time someone exited the toilet it always looked like they were gonna puke. Kai was beginning to wonder if this was such a good idea.

Before he could question the thought further, he had come to the front of the queue. Now it was his turn to face the terrors within the bathroom. He drew in a deep breath then strolled inside. Nothing could prepare him for the overpowering stench that greeted him. "Oh God..." he mumbled, pinching his nose.

"Oh dear!" Kai heard Stanley panic. "Oh dear me, whatever shall I do?"

Kai thought about leaving Stanley alone to deal with his problem, but then felt bad about it. No one deserved to suffer toilet problems alone. Besides, if no one helped Stanley then the toilet would remain forever smelly and Stanley would be very embarrassed. He had to assist. "Stanley, remain calm! This is Kai speaking by the way."

"Kai? Oh thank the light! You must help me! The toilet will not flush!"

Kai thought, 'wow, must've been a big one' and felt some jealousy. "Don't worry, I will help you."

Stanley sighed with relief. "What shall I do?"

Kai thought hard. Stanley didn't need pooping advice, so there was no need to contact Bryan. A plunger wasn't available either, so there was only one thing Stanley could do. "You need to run away."

"What? But I can't leave it like this!"

"You must! There is nothing you can do, let the professional janitors do the dirty deed."

There was a few beats of silence until Stanley spoke again. "You are right of course."

"You should cover your face so less people will suspect it was you," Kai advised. "I have a brown paper bag, you may have it." He dug a hand into his pants and pulled out a brown paper bag. He threw it over the door into Stanley's cubicle. "Now run!"

"Thank you, Kai!" It didn't take long for Kai to hear a door slam behind him, and the hurried footsteps of a man running away. Kai grinned to himself then carried on with his business, trying extremely hard to ignore the horrible stench. Once he was done, he flushed, washed his hands and made his way back to his friends.

"What took you so long?" Johnny demanded.

Kai shrugged. "A lot of crap happened." Johnny looked at Mystel and Mariah. Kai knew that look all too well. It meant, 'gosh, I don't want to know what happened, but I'm sure I'll find out anyway'. "Let's just say Stanley might avoid public toilets for the next couple of days..."

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Yeah... just had to add yet another one to this gross series. They are way too much fun to write, and besides, it's been far too long since I've written anything remotely insane. If you haven't already, read the first four! Guaranteed to make you think, 'wtf'. As always, reviews are much appreciated!

Also, if you have ever read any of my other parody one shots, you may have picked up on some story references. How many can you spot?


End file.
